Monday, March 4, 2013

best review ever ;)

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4591550/1/Ten-Reasons-Why-I-Hate-Jacob-Black

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4477116/1/17-Reasons-To-Hate-Jacob-Black

cut pasted from
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20090319030131AAQtnUz

Ok Twilight is, I can honestly say the worst book I have ever read
Bella: I love you Edward
Edward: I love you too you are so beautiful
Bella: No YOU are so beautiful. I love you. You're all sparkly
Edward: You are the most perfect creature ever
1000 pages and 3 books later
Bella: I love you Edward
Edward: I love you you are so beautiful
Bella: No YOU are so beautiful. I love you. You're all sparkly and now we have a mutant child together HORRAY!
OMFG it's just them proliferating their love for each other for 1000+ pages. And right at the end Smeyer is like JESUS CHRIST I NEED PLOT and throws some crap in.

Ok Edward is not hot. He is a creepy stalker. he watches her sleep. He won't let her see her friends. He follows her around. He won't let her drive. He beats her up while they're having sex. He gives her a c-section with his teeth. Come on that's gross. Bella is disgusting, falling apart as soon as Edward leaves and only getting some semblance of togetherness back when she finds another guy to take Edward's place. PATHETIC.

It seems only tween girls with half a brain enjoy twilight. Every single one of my friends hates Twilight. Thinks it's absolutely ridiculous, the writing is terrible, the characters one dimensional and the plot cliche. We're 18. My sister, who is 13 is in love with Twilight. So are all her friends. They get together and talk about it and how 'awesome' it is and 'how much they love Edward' and how they 'just wish Jacob would die'. Basically Twilight is aimed for girls 12-16. 

Smeyer writes likes she's swallowed a thesaurus and apparently doesn't know the meaning of Purple Prose. And she repeats the same phrases over and over and over again. Chagrin chagrin chagrin. STFU. Her books are riddled with plot holes and discrepancies. How can Edward, who has been dead for nearly 100 years, have sperm, which is alive, and has the capability to father a child. Yeah makes awesome sense. And how can that child even exist. It's not scientifically possible for someone to have 23 chromosomes. It results in down syndrome. Obviously the stupid mormon doesn't believe in proven scientific fact. Or just doesn't research her books

Ok and every single character in Twilight is one dimensional. 
Bella: Pathetic Mary Sue
Edward: I love you Bella. And the oldest virgin ever
Jacob: annoying.
And that's it. That's all the major characters. If you include like Emmett and Jasper and Alice. They don't even have personalities. Alice is just constantly jumping around "horray i just had a vision that we'll all live happily ever after".The best one, in my opinion is Rosalie. Or Jasper. In that movie he looked constipated the entire time. Did he even say anything?

I hate the way Bella is supposed to be an average girl, with faults. As far as I can tell her only fault is being "clumsy" which everyone seems to find endearing so isn't really a fault at all. And what's with her supposed to be average looking? yeah ok coz it's not like every guy in the school wants to be in her pants apparently. At my high school all the guys went for the average girl, definitely. She looks basically the same as Stephenie meyer would look. Except 50kg lighter. Lol at her photoshopping her fatness away. But this girl is supposed to be a role model. She completely falls apart when Edward leaves her and only pulls herself back together when she's found another man to replace him. It's pathetic. She has no independence or goals. She just wants to be with Edward forever, regardless of the consequences to herself and everyone around her. 

And EDWARD. Apparently the man of every girls dreams? Why because he's pretty. Hey maybe it's just me but I'd be a bit freaked out if my boyfriend started to sparkle. I love the fact that he hasn't got chisseled abs. I've grown up learning that you love a person for who they are, not what they look like. Yet in relation to love, the only thing that Bella ever describes is Edward's looks. Great example for all the kids out there. You look at his personality and you realise he's a stalker. He follows her around, watches her sleep, won't let her see her friends, won't let her drive. He controls her completely and people find this romantic! During sex he beats her black and blue and again, his regret is seen as romantic. He gives her a c-section with his teeth and again, oh so romantic, I would swoon if this happened to me.

Stephen King, best selling author for decades said on Twilight and its comparison to Harry Potter: 
"The real difference is that Jo Rowling is a terrific writer and Stephenie Meyer can't write worth a darn," he said. "She's not very good."

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