Friday, March 15, 2013

The Secretariat

is one awesome family movie that moves you to the core. Everyone's dressed real good and for once, I did not dislike Diane Lane. She kept her acting to the limits, without spilling it over to be called overacting.
A must must watch with the kids.

My son, my darling son just mentioned 'Secretariat is a good movie, right mom ?'
And to hear a pure heart say that made my heart sing with joy, as to when you educate your children through the medium of movies, this is one movie to pick

love it Wallace, keep it up

You have a new fan in me.

Monday, March 4, 2013

best review ever ;)

cut pasted from

Ok Twilight is, I can honestly say the worst book I have ever read
Bella: I love you Edward
Edward: I love you too you are so beautiful
Bella: No YOU are so beautiful. I love you. You're all sparkly
Edward: You are the most perfect creature ever
1000 pages and 3 books later
Bella: I love you Edward
Edward: I love you you are so beautiful
Bella: No YOU are so beautiful. I love you. You're all sparkly and now we have a mutant child together HORRAY!
OMFG it's just them proliferating their love for each other for 1000+ pages. And right at the end Smeyer is like JESUS CHRIST I NEED PLOT and throws some crap in.

Ok Edward is not hot. He is a creepy stalker. he watches her sleep. He won't let her see her friends. He follows her around. He won't let her drive. He beats her up while they're having sex. He gives her a c-section with his teeth. Come on that's gross. Bella is disgusting, falling apart as soon as Edward leaves and only getting some semblance of togetherness back when she finds another guy to take Edward's place. PATHETIC.

It seems only tween girls with half a brain enjoy twilight. Every single one of my friends hates Twilight. Thinks it's absolutely ridiculous, the writing is terrible, the characters one dimensional and the plot cliche. We're 18. My sister, who is 13 is in love with Twilight. So are all her friends. They get together and talk about it and how 'awesome' it is and 'how much they love Edward' and how they 'just wish Jacob would die'. Basically Twilight is aimed for girls 12-16. 

Smeyer writes likes she's swallowed a thesaurus and apparently doesn't know the meaning of Purple Prose. And she repeats the same phrases over and over and over again. Chagrin chagrin chagrin. STFU. Her books are riddled with plot holes and discrepancies. How can Edward, who has been dead for nearly 100 years, have sperm, which is alive, and has the capability to father a child. Yeah makes awesome sense. And how can that child even exist. It's not scientifically possible for someone to have 23 chromosomes. It results in down syndrome. Obviously the stupid mormon doesn't believe in proven scientific fact. Or just doesn't research her books

Ok and every single character in Twilight is one dimensional. 
Bella: Pathetic Mary Sue
Edward: I love you Bella. And the oldest virgin ever
Jacob: annoying.
And that's it. That's all the major characters. If you include like Emmett and Jasper and Alice. They don't even have personalities. Alice is just constantly jumping around "horray i just had a vision that we'll all live happily ever after".The best one, in my opinion is Rosalie. Or Jasper. In that movie he looked constipated the entire time. Did he even say anything?

I hate the way Bella is supposed to be an average girl, with faults. As far as I can tell her only fault is being "clumsy" which everyone seems to find endearing so isn't really a fault at all. And what's with her supposed to be average looking? yeah ok coz it's not like every guy in the school wants to be in her pants apparently. At my high school all the guys went for the average girl, definitely. She looks basically the same as Stephenie meyer would look. Except 50kg lighter. Lol at her photoshopping her fatness away. But this girl is supposed to be a role model. She completely falls apart when Edward leaves her and only pulls herself back together when she's found another man to replace him. It's pathetic. She has no independence or goals. She just wants to be with Edward forever, regardless of the consequences to herself and everyone around her. 

And EDWARD. Apparently the man of every girls dreams? Why because he's pretty. Hey maybe it's just me but I'd be a bit freaked out if my boyfriend started to sparkle. I love the fact that he hasn't got chisseled abs. I've grown up learning that you love a person for who they are, not what they look like. Yet in relation to love, the only thing that Bella ever describes is Edward's looks. Great example for all the kids out there. You look at his personality and you realise he's a stalker. He follows her around, watches her sleep, won't let her see her friends, won't let her drive. He controls her completely and people find this romantic! During sex he beats her black and blue and again, his regret is seen as romantic. He gives her a c-section with his teeth and again, oh so romantic, I would swoon if this happened to me.

Stephen King, best selling author for decades said on Twilight and its comparison to Harry Potter: 
"The real difference is that Jo Rowling is a terrific writer and Stephenie Meyer can't write worth a darn," he said. "She's not very good."

This video is a must watch !!

Cut pasted from

The Appeal of Edward Cullen

So. I hear there’s a new Twilight movie coming out today. It’s called Breaking Dawn, Part 1, because it doesn’t matter that the book barely has enough plot for one movie, let alone two – the Twihards are going to buy those tickets and they probably wish there was a Breaking Dawn, Part 3 in the works.
I find the Twilight phenomenon fascinating. More than Harry Potter, it causes polarizing reactions in its readers/viewers, from the people who will camp out for tickets to the ones who will mock it so scathingly that I cringe.
The Twilight backlash has become so strong that hating on Twilight is the new Twilight. There are people who savor the negative movie reviews simply because they’re amused, but there are also the people who take hating Twilight to a new art form, far beyond ironic detachment and into an area of boiling rage that make the biggest Twihards seem comparatively reasonable.
I think I find the phenomenon so amusing because I fall somewhere in between the “Twihard” and “anti-Twihard” category. I read all four books and groaned through every one, telling myself, “This stuff is SO BAD. Just one more chapter before I go to bed.” I didn’t like the writing and I hated all of the characters (save Bella’s dad, and Jacob in the first two books), but there was something extremely compelling and irresistible about them. The characters are unsympathetic, the prose amateurish, and yet, something about the series manages to capture the essence of an intoxicating first love.
Anyway, a feminist blog that talks about Twilight is eventually going to turn to the subject of Edward Cullen, the teenage girl’s latest favorite stalker vampire. (I prefer Stefan Salvatore and Spike as my favorite stalker vampires, but I digress.)
A lot of feminists, with good reasons, have a problem with Edward Cullen. Why?
1) Edward can read everyone’s mind except Bella’s, and this is one thing that makes him attracted to her. So he climbs into her bedroom in the middle of the night and listens to her talk in her sleep. THIS IS STALKER BEHAVIOR.
2) Edward doesn’t trust Bella around Jacob, so he dismantles her car and has his sister Alice hold her hostage so she can’t go see him. THIS IS OVERPROTECTIVE BEHAVIOR.
3) In several of the books, Edward speaks incredibly condescendingly to Bella and doubts everything she says or does. Edward shows a consistent lack of faith in Bella to make decisions for herself about her body, her friendships, her relationship, and her future.
In short: Edward’s the worst.
Someone on YouTube even spliced together a few scenes of Edward Cullen talking to Buffy Summers as part of an effort to expose Edward’s creepiness:
It’s really good…if you ignore the context.
While Buffy Summers is a much better character than Bella Swan, and Buffy the Vampire Slayer is so much better than Twilight, this video would have you believe that Buffy would see right through Edward Cullen’s crap and both rebuff his advances and kill him. That’s very nice in theory, but I’ve watched all seven seasons of the show, and most of the lines Buffy directs to Edward are lines that she directs to people she either has slept with, or will be sleeping with very soon. No, Buffy (at least in high school) would have completely fallen for Edward.
The question is – why? Why do teenage girls and even adult women fall for this overprotective, creepy, condescending stalker douche?
I could talk about Edward in the context of the creepy cultural narratives about romance and love, but I’d rather look at him from a different angle, because despite his overprotective, creepy, condescending, stalkery, douchey behavior, he has one quality that I find very appealing.
Edward never pressures Bella for sex.
Sure, he does it in the most condescending way possible. Sure, he doesn’t trust Bella to be in control of her own emotions, and he’s an extreme puritan about sexual encounters. But Bella’s never going to have to worry that Edward will try to pressure her into sex, or take sex when she says no, or ever put her into a sexual situation that will make her uncomfortable.
We live in a country where 1 out of 6 women are sexually assaulted (and that’s only counting the rapes that are reported), where men and women alike are socialized to think that men do or should want sex all the time (leading to countless misunderstandings), where men are socialized to ignore women’s “nos.”
Edward is never going to ignore Bella’s “no.” Bella doesn’t say “no,” but if she did, he wouldn’t push the issue.
For all of Edward Cullen’s negative qualities – and boy, does he have them – he has a very appealing, irresistible quality to teenage girls who are just discovering their sexual desires and feeling a strange mix of intense curiosity and intense fear about sex. He desires Bella and wants her more than he’s wanted anything, but he’s never, ever going to push a physical connection that she’s not ready to experience.
I can easily imagine why that one quality would go a long way in making Edward Cullen irresistible to a young female gaze.

Edward Cullen Haters

can read this article.

This is what is called 'twisting the words from one's mouth' ;)


Why Edward Cullen Is A Spouse Abuser (And Why You Should Care!)

Opinion by  Cinders posted 3 years ago
fan of it?
72 fans
Statement of Intent: If you read to the end, you'll notice that I do not advocate against reading Twilight, just putting it into context for young readers. This was originally written for a Facebook audience of friends until I decided to post it here as well. It was not intended to offend Twilight fans or readers, but to simply give a little perspective on why I believe Edward Cullen is a poor character to respect/admire. Should there be enough popular demand, I'm willing to write a similar article about Bella Swan.

Personality Traits in Abusive Relationships [SourceSecondary Source]

Note: The ones in bold are ones that are displayed by Edward Cullen in the book or film. Thanks to Jody for the research.

1) Uncontrolled temper. "Sometimes I Have a problem with my temper, Bella." (Twilight, Edward, page 164).
2) Extreme Jealousy.

"I mean, you know better than to be jealous, right?"
He raised one eyebrow. "Do I?"
"Be serious."
"Easily - there's nothing remotely humorous about this."
I frowned suspiciously. "Or... is this something else altogether? Some vampires-and-werewolves-are-always-enemies nonsense? Is this just a testosterone-fueled --"
His eyes blazed. "This is only about you. All I care is that you're safe." (Eclipse, page 143, after Bella spent the day with Jacob.)

3) Intense fear of abandonment. (Note that though this is not one of Edward's character traits, it is a telling trait of Bella, who one could argue in a seprate note is emotionally manipulative, but we're not focusing on Bella here.)
4) A background involving physical, emotional or sexual abuse, abandonment, ACOA issues.
5) Unrealistic expectations of a relationship. (To "fix" them or solve their problems.) 
6) Low Self-Esteem.

"I infuriate myself," he said gently. "The way I can't seem to keep from putting you in danger. My very existence puts you at risk. Sometimes I truly hate myself. I should be stronger, I should be able to --" 
I put my hand over his mouth. "Don't." (Twilight, page 336)

7) Rush in to relationships. "About three things I was absolutely positive. First, Edward was a vampire. Second, there was part of him — and I didn't know how potent that part might be — that thirsted for my blood. And third, I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him." (Twilight, page 195. The next day, they become a couple. If teenage Bella is confessing "unconditional and irrevocable love" for a vampire she's known three months, who she KNOWS wants to eat her, she's definitely enabling.)
9) Exhibit controlling behavior.

We were near the parking lot now. I veered left, toward my truck. Something caught my jacket, yanking me back.
"Where do you think you're going?" he asked, outraged. He was gripping a fistful of my jacket in one hand.
I was confused. "I'm going home."
"Didn't you hear me promise to take you safely home? Do you think I'm going to let you drive in your condition? His voice was still indignant.
"What condition? And what about my truck?" I complained.
"I'll have Alice drop it off after school." He was towing me toward his car now, pulling me by my jacket. It was all I could do to keep from falling backward. He'd probably just drag me along anyway if I did.
"Let go!" I insisted. He ignored me. I staggered along sideways across the wet sidewalk until we reached the Volvo. Then he finally freed me - I stumbled against the passenger door.
"You are so pushy!" I grumbled. (Twilight, pages 103-4).

10) Have unrealistic expectations or demands.
11) Use isolation to keep you centered on them.
12) Believe in male supremacy and the stereotyped masculine role in the family. (It should be noted here that this is clearly where Stephanie Meyer's Mormon background permeates best. She reinforces stereotypical gender roles in which the stronger man must protect and support the dependant woman. Edward practically oozes this stereotype.)
13) Use of force during sex.

His eyes tightened. "How badly are you hurt, Bella? The truth - don't try to downplay it."
"Look at yourself, Bella. Then tell me I'm not a monster."
Wounded, shocked, I followed his instruction unthinkingly and then gasped.
What had happened to me? I couldn't make sense of the fluffy white snow that clung to my skin. I shook my head, and a cascade of white drifted out of my hair.
I pinched one soft white bit between my fingers. It was a piece of down.
"Why am I covered in feathers?" I asked, confused.
He exhaled impatiently. "I bit a pillow. Or two. That's not what I'm talking about."
Under the dusting of feathers, large purple bruises were beginning to blossom across the pale skin of my arm. My eyes followed the trail they made up to my shoulder and then down across my ribs. I uplled my hand free to poke at the discoloration of my left forearm, watching it fade where I touched it and then reappear. It throbbed a little. (Breaking Dawn, 87-89.)

14) Threats of Violence

He lowered the automatic window and leaned toward me across the seat. "Get in, Bella."
I didn't answer. I was mentally calculating my chances of reaching the truck before he could catch me. I had to admit, they weren't good.
"I'll just drag you back," he threatened, guessing my plan. (Twilight, page 104).

15) Have poor communication skills. (At least, this was the impression I got from the movie.)
16) Exhibit cruelty to animals or children. (Note: I was tempted to bold this, due to the fact that Edward is a "vegetarian"-- someone needs to tell that boy that real vegetarians don't eat meat or blood of any kind, hence the "vege" root of the word. But since he has no qualms about draining animals of their blood, I want to say it counts as animal cruelty. But I feel it would take away from the seriousness of all my other arguments).

If you have never read Twilight, and/or have listened to me rant about why Edward and Bella's relationship is a very bad example of "true love" for young girls, I hope this sheds a little light onto the situation, or at least on why I hold that opinion. The funny thing is, a character like this in teen literature wouldn't bother me so much, if the teen literature wasn't so popular. The fact that so many girls are idolizing Edward Cullen, and wishing that they were the simpering Bella Swan, disturbs me enough to compile this list.

I am against book banning of any kind. Indeed, I'll go so far as to say that I'm glad that kids are reading, even if they are reading Twilight. But I urge parents, teachers, and anyone with common sense, to explain to their kids that Edward is not the type of man you want to get involved with, and why.

Following this conversation, and when the kids are finished reading Twilight, show your young girls some good ol' Buffy the Vampire Slayer, or encourage them to read books like Levine's "Ella Enchanted," Burnett's "The Secret Garden" or "A Little Princess," or even Fitzhugh's "Harriet the Spy," to show them real role models. - See more at:

101 reasons to fall in love with Edward Cullen


A Bit About Myself!
Hi my name is Lucinda but I like to be called Edward's Girl, Bella, LuLu or Lucy
and I LOVE Twilight that's because where-the-the-wolf-runs got me into it
I Like Music Like : My Chemical Romance, Green Day, 30 Seconds to Mars, Good Charlotte, Paramore, Linkin Park, Hellogoodbye, Nickleback, Avril Lavigne, Muse, Fall Out Boy, Panic! At The Disco, Bullet For My Valentine, Foo Fighters, Cascada, Blink 182, Evanescance, P!NK and SO many others!
I Don't Just Like Reading, I LOVE Reading
My fave colour is forever changeing, it's blue at the moment
"When life hands you lemons, throw them back and demand Edward Cullen."
"An apple a day keeps the doctor away but since Carlisle is cute, screw the fruit."
"I'm not easily distracted I-Hey, is that guy sparkling!"
"Psh, screw the Dark Side. So what if they have cookies? Come to the Light Side, we have Edward Cullen!"

i don't know if you know this but there is a teacher called Mr Mason in twilight dose that name ring any bells?
if you don't believe me then check the book

My Storys
right I'm going to do this thing where I'm going to give people SMILEYS
what i want you to do is when you get them put them on your profile SO EVERYONE CAN SEE
oh and you can give SMILEYS to ohter people as long you say you got the idea from me
oh and give ME SMIILEYS TOO

Hear are my Quotes (I copyed some of these)
oooooooo Chocolate!
We All Want Something Or Someone We Can't Have, Ya I Want Someone I Can't Have,Yep You Gussed Right, I Want Edward Cullen!
All the good ones are either gay, married, or fictional characters in books or movies.
I can only please on person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow's not looking good, either.
My imaginary friend thinks that you have serious problems.
If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.(I have it works(I kill your friend, you kill my friend and then I kill you)see.)
If you know someone who should get run over by a bus, copy this into your profile. (I do)
A girl asked a guy if she was pretty; he said no. She asked him if he wanted her; he said no. She asked him if she left would he cry; he said no. She turned to leave; he grabbed her arm and said, 'You're not pretty, you're beautiful. And I don't want you, I need you. And I wouldn't cry if you left; I would die'
They say "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill to many people.
Don't call me emo or I'll cry big juicy tears of blood and pain and then I'll die and it will be ALL YOUR FAULT.
VAMPIRES RULE THE WORLD! or at least in my mind.
I got bit by a Vampire and I liked it!
Edward Come, Dazzle Me
Only a vampire can love you forever!
Edward Owns my Heart and a nice volo
Reading is for Awesome people
You can cover me in feathers anyday, if your Edward
Dear Edward, Bite Me?
Team Edward... because he can break my headbods, bite my pillows, and bruise my body anyday
Lost in Twilight
You Twierd! aka Twilight Nerd p.s That's a Compliment
ANY time is EDWARD time
I kissed a vampire and I liked it
All I want is a gorgeous, inmortal, cold, silver volo owner that sparkles in the sunlight and bites me ... is that really so much to ask for?

You have to read this
this is what i would like my boyfriend to do, if i had one that is
When i walk away from him mad, he follow me
When i stare's at his mouth, he'll Kiss me
When i push him or hit's him, he'll grab me and doesn't let go
When i start's cussing at him, he'll kiss me and tell me he loves me
When i'm quiet, he'll ask me whats wrong
When i ignore him, he'll give me his attention
When i pull away, he'll pull me back
When he see me at my worst, he'll tell me i'm beautiful
When he see me start crying, he'll just hold my hand and dont say a word
When he see me walking, he'll sneak up and hug my waist from behind
When i'm scared, he'll protect me
When i lay my head on he's shoulder, he'll tilt my head up and kiss me
When i steal's he's favorite hat, he'll let me keep it and sleep with it that night
When i tease him, he'll tease me back and make me laugh
When i don't anwer for a long time he'll ressure me that everything is okay
When i look at him with doubt he'll back himself up
When i say that i like him i really do more than he could understand
When i grab's at his hands he'll hold mine and play with my fingers
When i bump into him he'll bump into me back and make me laugh
When i tell him a secret he'll keep it safe and untold
When i look at him in he's eyes he'll dosn't look away until i do
When i miss him i'm hurting inside
When he breaks my heart the never really goes away
When i say it's over i still want him to be mine
Stay on the phone with her even if shes not saying anything.-
When she's mad hug her tight and don't let go-
When she says she's ok dont believe it, talk with her- because 10 yrs later she'll remember you-
Call her at 12:00am on her birthday to tell her you love her-
Call her before you sleep and after you wake up-
Treat her like she's all that matters to you.-
Tease her and let her tease you back.-
Stay up all night with her when she's sick.-
Watch her favorite movie with her or her favorite show even if you think its stupid.-
Give her the world.-
Let her wear your clothes.-
When she's bored and sad, hang out with her.-
Let her know she's important.-
Kiss her in the pouring rain.-

This cracked me up !!

Original article, cut pasted here, FROM

Definitely click on Bella's link, to know more about here. It will crack you up !!
Theoretically a vampire, Edward has shown a startling ability to remain at high school for almost a century without getting laid.

Just The Facts

  1. It is still not understood why he is referred to as a vampire, as he lacks all of the traditional characteristics that one would be expected to have (aversion to sunlight and holy objects, need for human blood, vulnerability to wooden stakes, fangs, badassery, et cetera).
  2. He is a known attention-seeker, as he has attempted suicide by exposing himself to sunlight at noon. Given that vampires in the Twilight universe react to sunlight by sparkling, this is roughly equivalent to attempting to kill yourself via the liberal application of mascara.
  3. As anybody who has watched the film "Twilight" in a cinema will know, Edward has been noted for his ability to cause spontaneous orgasms in girls aged 12-16.


The character of Edward Cullen was first conceived when the author of Twilight, Stephenie Meyer, had a wet dream about him. She saw him together with a girl, who was later named "Bella" after Meyer's imaginary daughter...
...yeah, it gets creepier. Meyer watched the two of them have an intense, emotional "conversation" for a while, then woke up and felt an urgent need to change the sheets.
Every time you read Twilight, you're reading this woman's masturbatory aid. Just sayin'.
Every time you read Twilight, you're reading this woman's masturbatory aid. Just sayin'.
Details are scarce about Edward's life before he became a vampire, mainly because it's difficult for Meyer to focus on writing anything substantial about a character or storyline for more than thirty seconds without getting distracted by something shiny - case in point, Edward's skin.
As you've already made fun of, while most vampires burst dramatically into flame when struck by sunlight, Edward sparkles.
But Stephenie Meyer's definition of the word "sunlight" is a bit different to that of the rest of the English-speaking world. On overcast days - even when, presumably, some sunlight would get through to the ground (on account of all the light and such), Eddie doesn't so much as twinkle. Come a cloudless day, though, and he's lit up like a fucking disco ball.
Edward was turned into a vampire during World War One, while suffering from a strain of influenza. His doctor, Carlisle, apparently thought that the best way to cure the child would be to murder him - which, it must be said, did make the flu seem somewhat less of an issue. To be fair, canon claims that he was turned because Carlisle was lonely, and wanted a companion. Exactly why, out of the many thousands of sick and dying people he had treated over the years, he chose to vamp an attractive, underage boy is perhaps a question best left unasked.
What we do know is that Edward did, at one point in his unlife, possess balls. He used to use his super strength, super speed, heightened senses, and mind-reading ability (Oh, yeah, he can read minds, too. Did Mel Gibson need a reason? He just fucking can, okay?) to kill bad guys. And, for a brief time, he was actually badass.
But, as we all know, any interesting aspect of a character that Stephenie Meyer creates is purely accidental, and it wasn't long before Edward renounced the wicked ways of, uh, fighting evil. Instead, he decided to spend his days (and nights) playing the piano, reading literature, going to high school over and over again for decades (ostensibly to maintain their cover - which suggests that Carlisle is too much of a fucking idiot to have ever considered home-schooling), and generally being a complete embarrassment to real vampires.
Not pictured: sparkles
He also abstains from consuming human blood, instead choosing to drink that of animals. This has led to the Cullen family joke that they are "vegetarians". A search for anyone who finds this funny is ongoing.

His Chagrined, Adonis-Like Appearance

Edward is a tall and handsome boy, with pale, white skin and amber eyes. These eyes - which are amber - have a constant look of chagrin within them. His skin looks like chiseled marble, which contrasts quite beautifully with his amber eyes. He is shaped like Adonis, his chiseled face displaying chagrin whenever his piercing, amber eyes are staring into Bella's. Whenever Bella looks into Edward's chiseled, amber eyes, she sees that his pale, Adonis-like figure is consumed with chagrin...
...this is what reading the fucking book is like.
A full account of Edward's appearance can be found in the book, Twilight. For that matter, an account of Edward's appearance is pretty much the only thing that can be found in the book.
Here's a picture of him. There, we just saved you from having to read 400 fucking pages.

The Boy Behind the Chagrin

Unfortunately, information about Edward's personality is a bit thin on the ground, as Stephenie Meyer seems to have forgotten to include any direct references in the actual books. It was too minor a sundry detail to have included in the series' thousands and thousands of pages. So, basically, all we know about him is what can be inferred from his dealings with his true love.
This makes the section on Edward's personality the shortest in this article. As anybody who has read the books can tell you, this is depressingly fitting.

"Just Like Romeo and Juliet!" Uh, wait, what does that imply?

Edward likes to start things off right. He begins his epic love tale seated next to Isabella Swan in a biology classroom - a prime situation for some introductions, small talk, and a series of horrifically bad sexual innuendos, right?
"How'd you like to put your microscope in MY onion?"
What follows is sixty minutes of the most awkward silence between two human beings you will ever witness. We've seen people with Asperger's Syndrome utilizing better body language than this. Not a word is exchanged between them. Edward just sits there, staring intently at her, rocking back and forth 'like' a madman. Remember that time you were sitting next to that really hot chick that you liked back in high school, and you tried to say something to her, but instead you accidentally collapsed into a violent coughing fit, sneezed blood and mucus all over her, fell off your chair and cried for half an hour? Yeah, you looked like George fucking Clooney next to this guy.
To his credit, he does make up for it by subsequently watching her sleep.
We'll just let you ponder why he gets called 'romantic' for this, and yet we can't go within 200meters* of our exes anymore.
*Stand back - we use METRIC.
Anyway, turns out Edward really does love Bella, because her blood sings to him, or something. People fortunate enough to have only watched the movie often aren't aware of this, as the film only briefly and fleetingly alludes to how she smells like his favorite heroin.
After treating her like crap for a while, he suddenly performs an impressive emotional 180 and abruptly falls in love with her. Don't bother asking why this happens - nobody knows. Just what's holding the relationship together is a complete mystery.
Honestly, don't just take our word for it*. Go ask a rabid Twilight fan what Edward and Bella have in common. Ask what it is they talk about. What hobbies do they participate in together? You'll get nothing but blank looks of incomprehension.
*Just take our word for it.
Feminists often attack Edward for being a condescending, misogynistic jerk towards Bella. They often cite that fact that he treats Bella like a doe-eyed dipshit that needs to be kept on a leash to stop her from trying to play with oncoming traffic. What these people fail to realize is that Edward's treatment of her stems not from the fact that she's female, but because her favorite hobby consists of trying to find new and exciting ways to get killed by household objects.
Edward before his "blood-only" diet.
One of Edward's earliest encounters with Bella consisted of rescuing her from becoming roadkill, and subsequent outings have consistently shown her to have the intelligence and dexterity of an apricot. Edward treats her as if she is constantly in danger, not because he's sexist, but because her own ability to detect trouble usually kicks in about half an hour after it's been and gone. He can hardly be blamed for being a bit protective at times - although it is unlikely that Darwin would approve of Edward fucking around with his gene pool so much.
For example - Bella discovers Edward is a vampire. She knows (in the film, which was shorter, and therefore better) that a number of people have been viciously mauled and slaughtered by what she suspects to be vampires. So, armed with this knowledge, she brings Edward into the middle of a forest to tell him that she knows his secret, telling no-one where she is going or who she is going with.
This is a girl with the survival instincts of a lemming.
Keep that in mind the next time you start calling him over-protective. If you want more information on Bella, click here.

Long-Time Child, First-Time Parent

Edward is also amongst the worst fathers in existence, exhibiting the kind of responsibility one might expect from a crowd of angry English football fans armed with whiskey and crowbars. After delivering his child, Renesmee, by tearing apart his wife's uterus with his teeth (just don't ask, okay? This shit is fucked up enough already), he soon starts leaving his dear child with his old enemy, Jacob Black.
For those of you unfamiliar with the series, this is the same Jacob Black who swore to brutally murder the baby literally moments after her birth. And who then declared his undying love for the tiny infant the second he met her. And who had previously attempted to force himself upon the baby's mother. And just so we're clear, we're not talking about the wholesome family-friend-who-the-kids-call "Uncle Jacob" kind of love. We're talking about good old werewolf/vampire-hybrid-thing child molesting.
And Edward happily leaves his tiny infant daughter with the psychotic, mood-swinging, attempted-raping, pedophilic, would-be child murderer.
And this is a kid's book.
And this isn't the only instance of pedophilia in the books, either, leading us to believe that the entire series relies upon the Social Services department being on some sort of epic cocaine binge. Let us not forget that Edward Cullen himself is 17-years old. You know, underage. Permanently. For no other reason than Stephenie Meyer just wanted him to be.
And it's not like Meyer's not aware of this, either. After all, at the beginning of New Moon, she Bella gets very worried when her 18th birthday is coming up, as that would mean that she'd be physiologically older than her undead, night-dwelling, blood-sucking killer boyfriend.
'Cause, y'know, that'd be weird.
Pedophilia? Check. Necrophilia? Check. Older girlfriends? No, thanks. We have morals here.

Notable Quotations

"Bring on the shackles - I'm your prisoner."
- Edward extolling the virtues of S&M to a 17 year old virgin.
"Stephenie, it's great, but do you reckon you could write out the bit about Bella being a dominatrix?"
"And so the lion fell in love with the lamb..."
- Edward vicariously demonstrating Meyer's limited grasp of biology.
"You are exactly my brand of heroin."
- Edward explaining the difference between good smack and bad smack.
"It will be as if I'd never existed."
- Edward, while leaving Bella "forever", apparently forgetting about the numerous near-death experiences, twu wuv, and the utter destruction of Bella's world as she once knew it.
"It's hard and cold. And it throws rainbows in the sunlight."
- Edward describing his penis.


Oh, almost forgot. One last thing - Edward has his own religion.
This is not a joke.
This is a real religion. They believe that the Cullens are real, and must be worshipped. They believe that Stephenie Meyer is a prophet, and that the Twilight series are, in fact, holy books. And that the reward for a life of devout worship and right living is eternal life with the Cullens - including Jacob, Bella, and Meyer.
That's right. You get to spend eternity with an arrogant jerk, a pedophile, a cretin, an idiot novelist, and a horde of shrieking fangirls.
And that's if you're good.

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